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artie guber

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Posts : 475
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Join date : 2013-05-21
Age : 57
Location : An evil council estate.

PostSubject: Jokes   Fri Jun 28, 2013 3:53 am

I often ask kids whether they prefer strawberry ice cream or vanilla ice cream.

99% of them reply, "Where are my parents?"

I told the wife I'm taking our son to South Africa so we can visit Nelson Mandela before he passes on.

She said, "What if he dies halfway there?"

I replied, "Then I'll just go on my own."

After my prostate exam, the doctor left. Then the nurse came.

At that point, she whispered the 5 words no man wants to hear: "Who the f**K was that?"

I sat down on the sofa to watch Wimbledon but all I could hear was grunt after grunt after grunt.

"Shut the door while your having a s**t!", I said to my wife. "I'm trying to watch the tennis"

I phoned my boss today and told him that I wouldn't be able to make it in. He said, "Why, what's wrong?"

I said, "There's a little boy that lives a few streets down and he died last night."

"Did you know him?" he asked.

"No," I replied, "I'd never met him before."

"Then why are YOU staying off?"

"Well, I can't drive to work with a smashed windscreen."

I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex.

It's the quickest way to deflate her.

My date woke up next to me this morning and said, "Did we?...."

I said, "You were very drunk and fell asleep."

She said, "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"Don't worry about it," I replied. "You probably wouldn't have agreed to anal if you hadn't."

Breaking News - The UK has been reported to have twice as much gas as first thought.
Obama has declared war on the U.K. and will be invading Saturday

The Specials are re-releasing a single for the summer entitled "Breeeathe, Nelson Mandela!"

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Elvis?

When Elvis died, he was found with his hand in his own nappy.

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Second Lieutenant
Second Lieutenant

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Age : 56
Location : Manchester

PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:50 am

Contraversial lol
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